Jessie and Cassidy : The Unsober Buddies
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: Jessie and Cassidy find out what makes them secret buddies.


Jessie and Cassidy : The Unsober Buddies

" Jess - iee ? Jess_ieee_ ! Where could she be ? " James asked Meowth.

A muggy day in Kanto. James and Meowth were looking for their friend, Jessie. She was gone for two hours so far.

" Where did that hairspray - obsessed woman go ?! " Meowth demanded.

" I dunno, but I have a bad feeling about this, " James muttered.

They walked up to the corner where Butch was smoking pot. James sweatdropped. " Uh, Buffy ? Have you seen Jessie anywhere ? "

The green - haired agent rolled his eyes. " Nope. Haven't seen Cassidy, either. Really don't care, though. "

Meowth's eyes bulged. " Oh, God. Jessie didn't. "

The three looked at each other. James sat down next to Butch and sighed. " Just like New Year's...and Christmas...and the Fourth of July..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Jessie and Cassidy were outside of a bar, drinking out of a bottle of vodka. Piercing giggles were made. " Hehehe...you're my unsober buddy, Vilestone, " Jessie giggled.

" You're my unsober buddy,too, Smitherson ! " Cassidy said, snickering.

The two ladies laughed drunkenly. Jessie chugged another glass. " How - how did we get in Kanto, Cassidy ? "

" I - I don't know. I'm so wasted. I think we're in Lavender. Hehe...Lavender...I get it ! "

Jessie laughed. " Hee hee...we need a car ! "

" Yeah, let's get a car ! Oh, and some KFC ! "

They stumbled upon the sidewalk, getting into a Honda. The women looked at each other. " Uh, who's gonna drive ? " Jessie asked.

" I'm wasted, Jess ! And - and that blue haired woman is comin' in our direction ! "

An Officer Jenny stepped up to the car. " Hi, ladies. How are you today ? "

" None of your damn business, Jenny ! " Jessie bellowed.

" You heard fat - ass ! " Cassidy shouted. " None of your damn business, bitch ! "

Both ladies started cracking up. Officer Jenny pointed a flashlight in their eyes. " Step out of the car, you two. "

" Fine..._FINE ! "_

Jessie and Cassidy stepped out of the car, gripping on each other for balance, glasses of vodka in their hands. The police officer sweatdropped. " Okay, you two. You're going to the station to dry out for the day ! "

" I can't go to jail ! " Cassidy exclaimed. " I'm a model ! "

" And I have a hockey stick to be whacking with ! " Jessie added.

Officer Jenny shook her head. " Sorry, ladies. "

" B-but we're only friends when we're drunk ! " Cassidy protested.

" Yeah ! We can't handle each other when we're sober ! I'm a bitch, and she's a _greedy_ bitch ! "

" Not my problem ! " Jenny hissed. " Now get in the car ! "

" Fine, " both women muttered, stepping into the police car.

* * *

As the hours passed by, so did the tolerance level drop between Jessie and Cassidy.

Finally, as the next day showed up, Jessie and Cassidy were both hung. Cassidy moaned. " Great ! We're in jail ! _Thanks_ a lot, Jessie ! "

" Thanks ?! _You're_ the one who called Jenny a bitch ! " Jessie hissed.

" Well, at least _I'm_ not the one who's eaten an entire wedding cake ! " Cassidy snapped.

" Yeah, but at least _I'm_ not the one with the pothead boyfriend ! "

Cassidy sighed. " Well, we're screwed. We definitely can't go to work like _this_. "

" Hmm ? "

" Giovanni said if we came into work hung again, he swore to Bob that he would make us scrub toilets for a month. "

" So what do we do ? " Jessie asked. " We're both bitches, and we should be best buddies against James and Butch, but we act like stupid ditzes. "

" 'Cause you hoard all foods. "

" And you act like Britney Spears. "

Cassidy rolled her eyes. " Yeah. Why _do_ we act like this ? "

" I don't know, but there is one person we can ask. "

" Who ? "

" Twerpy's mom. "

" Jessie, you duncehead ! We can't ! "

" We have to take a chance, Cassidy. Even if we only become secret buddies, at least it's a start. "

Cassidy muttered something under her breath before grasping Jessie's hand and shaking it. " Deal. Secret buddies. "

" Okay. Let's tell Jenny we're sober. "

* * *

After a long explanation (and apology) to the officer, Jessie and Cassidy walked to Pallet Town. Both were wearing pink tanktops, which Cassidy disapproved of. " Jess, I don't know how you feel, but this is ruining my fashion status ! " she whined.

" Well, we can't just waltz into someone's house wearing our uniforms ! " Jessie replied. " We'd get put in jail again ! "

" But pink ?! Pink is ugly ! "

" Just shut up already ! " Jessie whispered. " We finally reached the house. "

Cassidy fixed her skirt. " Fine. But if anything screws up, it's your idea ! "

Jessie huffed. " And you agreed to it. "

" Whatever. "

Jessie sighed as she knocked on the door. A woman of thirty - three answered the door and groaned. " Ash isn't here. "

" Oh, no, Delia. We're not chasing the twerp until next Tuesday, " Jessie said. " Actually, Cassidy and I were needing your help. "

" I don't know...you once tried to sell Ash for a bag of oatmeal. "

" Typical Jessie. You're poor enough to sell a kid ? Wow, " Cassidy muttered.

" Shut up ! _You_ once sold pot to those orphans ! " Jessie exclaimed.

" _You_ threw up on the Boss - twice ! "

" _You _crashed into his desk ! "

" And you _broke_ his desk in half with a chainsaw ! "

Jessie smacked Cassidy across the face. " Pink hating bitch ! "

" Hairspray wearing whore ! "

**SMACK !**

_**S - L - A - M !**_

The door slammed. Both women sweatdropped. Cassidy groaned. " This is _your_ fault, Jessie ! "

" _You_ started it ! "

" Yeah, I did ! So what ?! At least_ I_ don't live in a hot - air balloon ! "

Jessie cringed. " We need something to rekindle our secret friendship. "

" What's that ? "

" Well, I have another bottle of vodka if you're interested. "

Cassidy's expression perked up. " Okay ! "

* * *

(Next day)

" I hate you, Smitherston. "

" I hate you too, Vilestone. "

" So...when we get done scrubbing toilets, wanna go for a cold one and burn down cars ? "

" Oh, hell yeah ! "

The two women glared at each other, but with small grins on their faces.

End


End file.
